Medicine of the Heart
by Arieko
Summary: A failure, that's what Dr. Zieglar's first surgery was. Guilt, shame, and sadness lined her thoughts as she fiddled with how she was going to break it to the family... but when an unlikely source brings her back to reality to show her that life indeed goes on, Angela's biggest fears come to pass. No longer a two-shot!
1. New Beginnings

Leaning against the cool wooden door behind her, Dr. Angela Ziegler exhaled a shallow breath. Wiping the sweat that pooled on her forehead, making her blonde hair stick to her face, she was only mildly aware of the blood that mixed in with the movement from her gloves.

The brightness of the lights that illuminated the hallway, the stench of disinfectant, the constant machine beeping, it all blended together and threatened to cause the newly graduated surgeon to topple over right then and there, but she endured. Taking in a deep breath from behind the face mask she wore covering her mouth, Dr. Zeigler slowly pushed off the door and tried not to think about the failure she had committed behind it.

As the young doctor walked away from the room, her body felt fatigued and sore. She could feel the tears pooling behind her dull blue eyes but she blinked them away. Of course she had seen death before on the operating table but never before while she was head surgeon during it. Her first real surgery hadn't quite gone the way she had hoped. It was just supposed to be a simple procedure but…

"The family."

The words just fell out of her mouth as she rounded a corner in the hospital's hallway and spotted multiple people. Standing, sitting, leaning, and whispering, they all had one thing in common that alerted Angela to what she was dreading.

They all looked restless and scared.

Quickly moving back around the corner before she was seen, the young blonde doctor cursed herself for being a coward. She knew she'd eventually have to inform them of the new death in their family but… she just couldn't right now. Of course she could tell one of the nurses to do it but it was a reality she'd have to do herself. She just needed… time.

"Coffee first." She mumbled to herself, feeling as if she were in a daze. "I- I'll do it after a cup of coffee."

The bitter drink always soothed Angela in her darkest times. She always had a cup by her side during her studies back in the day and now she could really use one now. It was almost like a drug to her. Surely it'd calm her down before she had to face the music.

Keeping her head down as she passed a few nurses, she was successful in avoiding any and all small talk. She knew the other hospital workers probably had an idea of what had happened by the look on her face and the slouch in her posture as she slowly shuffled towards one of the many break rooms.

Pushing past the door and doing a quick glance over the small room, the Swiss doctor found a small comfort in seeing no one else here. Being close to one in the morning as well probably helped out just a bit, she mused, looking over at the clock on the wall.

Finally unstrapping the surgical mask that was over her nose and mouth, Angela threw the white cloth in the trash bin before peeling the slightly bloody gloves off her hands as well, dropping them in the garbage as well.

Grabbing some hand sanitizer off the wall, she quickly wiped her hands with purpose before quickly moving to the coveted coffee maker. Taking a moment to inspect it, Angela took her time putting in a new filter, grabbing water from the sink, and putting in the blend she liked the most from the cabinet.

Once it was all in, she hit the button and waited for the drink to brew. Just as she was about to sit on one of the chairs in the room however, her own image caught her sight in the mirror on the wall. Stopping and taking a long look at herself, she felt a shiver travel down her spine. She noted the intense bags under her eyes, her disheveled hair, her skin looked almost clammy from stress, and her lab coat was dirty and wrinkled. She honestly looked awful.

 _After tonight, maybe I'll finally go home and shower._

She'd been at the hospital for almost a day and a half, bouncing around like crazy. It was a busy week for sure. But after that last… surgery, she didn't really have anything planned. Not like she wanted to do anything anyway. She just wanted to curl up under her blanket at home in her apartment and cry.

Sighing to herself sadly, just as she was about to turn away from the mirror, something quick and small caught her eye. Nearly jumping out of fright, Dr. Zeigler turned around quicker than she thought possible and saw a small child looking back at her near the corner of the room. Dressed in a pink and blue jacket with pink shorts and sneakers, she couldn't be more than six years old. With large brown eyes that twinkled curiously and long brown hair that flowed close to her back, the small girl regarded Angela with a bright smile. Though the most curious thing was the four pink marks that lined her cheeks, two on each one. It looked almost like the girl smeared lipstick on her cheeks in some kind of design.

"Hi!"

It took a moment for the nervous doctor to register that that girl had said something before she quickly mumbled out a quick hello.

Curiosity quickly beset the doctor as she wondered how the child even got in here, but she was too tired to really even care. It wouldn't be the first time patients or family had walked into the breakroom before. She figured the girl got bored and wondered around while her parents weren't looking.

"Are you a real doctor?" The small girl asked, taking a couple of steps towards where Angela still stood by the counter.

Almost feeling a sad smile forming on her lips, the blonde woman nodded slowly, turning away from the girl's bright smile. Almost as if she were ashamed.

"Not a very good one, but yes." Angela replied with a sad chuckle. "I'm a real doctor."

Noticing the girl taking more steps towards her, the doctor shuffled nervously before meeting the girl's curious eyes again, though this time they were scrunched up in worry as she tilted her head, the long brown hair flowing over her tiny shoulders.

"Why aren't you a good one?" She asked, genuine curiosity evident in her tone.

Not wanting to confide her latest failure and cause of something akin to depression to a child, Angela did her best and gave the tiny girl a fake smile, instead brushing her hand against the girl's head, slightly ruffling her hair.

"Well, I'm still new so I'm learning still." Angela instead replied.

She watched the girl's smile widen from the slight head pat and felt a small comfort in it now.

"My mom does that too!" She giggled out, her cheeks puffing out with laughter.

Angela raised an eyebrow before ruffling the girl's head a second more before taking her hand away. She'd be lying if she said she didn't feel a little better from the gesture but in the corner of her eye she glanced at the coffee maker, noticing that it still wasn't ready.

"Oh yeah?" The blonde asked. "Well, I don't blame her, you have very beautiful hair." She finished with a more genuine smile, feeling the girl's infectious happiness rubbing off on her.

Giddy from the compliment, the girl only laughed more before a loud beep resounded in the room, alerting Angela that her salvation drink was finally ready.

Quickly grabbing a paper cup from the drawer, she filled the black liquid in it, not even bothering in putting milk or sugar in it, instead relishing the thought of the extreme bitter taste snapping at her tastebuds to mentally prepare herself.

"Is that _cawfee_?" The tiny voice asked, pronouncing the word a little odd, but adorably. "Mom says I can't have any until I'm older but it smells weird. I don't think I'll ever ever drink it!" She announced, crossing her arms in defiance as she hopped onto one of the chairs, swinging her legs slowly.

Risking a quick glance at the clock, Dr. Ziegler chuckled into the cup as she took a seat across the small girl, taking a small sip, gulping down the heated drink without missing a beat.

"You shouldn't be so quick to judge things." She answered the child. "You might end up liking it when you're older."

When the girl said nothing, instead looking at her legs that were swinging silently in the chair, Angela decided to speak up once more, not enjoying the silence in the room. It reminded her of what she still needed to do.

"What's your name? Mine is Angela."

She watched the girl as she looked back up at her, a flash of a smile once present again on her face.

"Mine's Hana!" She replied, almost happy from the attention again. "Nice to meet you Angela!"

Smirking from the politeness, Angela reached a hand over the table, wrapping it around the girl's small one when she reached for the handshake as well.

"It's a pleasure to meet you as well, Hana."

Releasing each other's hands, Angela took another quiet sip from her still steaming coffee. Her eyes were once again drawn to Hana's cheeks, the lipstick smears causing the older woman to chuckle a bit.

"Hana, what is that on your cheeks?"

Hana's eyes never left Angela's, though her smile wilted a bit again as she answered the question.

"It's warpaint!" She answered, almost as it was obvious. "I told my mom that I'd help her get better by fighting the bad stuff making her sick."

Angela mulled it over a bit before nodding her head. "I'm sure she appreciated that a lot."

Hana nodded her head as well, almost sagely.

"It made her giggle!" Though Hana's smile completely faded. "That was earlier this morning, I haven't seen her since then."

Swirling the coffee in her cup Angela was unsure of what to say. Quite frankly she was amazed she even held a conversation this long with a child. She never was good with kids, though Hana seemed to be as good a distraction as any. Though the doctor did feel a cold shiver travel down her spine.

 _It couldn't be._

"Hana, dear, what's your las-"

Though before Angela could finish her sentence, the break room door suddenly opened causing both girls to look towards the unexpected guest.

"Hana!"

An asian man, at least a head shorter than Angela entered. Looking as miserable as Angela felt, she could instantly see the resemblance between the two. From the eyes to the hair.

"Daddy!" Hana cried out, a small smile reformed as she jumped from the chair and hugged the man.

Though at first he wore a small frown, the moment his daughter hugged him his face turned into a sad smile. Though as Angela watched the small reunion, Hana perked up as she pulled away, pointing a finger in her direction.

"Daddy, this is my new friend, Angela!" She announced, causing Angela to swallow a lump forming in her throat as she gave a small nod to the man.

Fatigued brown eyes met hers as Hana's father returned the nod, still holding onto his daughter's shoulders. The young doctor watched as the man looked at her up and down before his eyes rested on her nametag on her chest.

"Dr. Ziegler?" He asked, finally bringing his eyes up to meet hers. "T- The nurses said you were going to meet us!"

Feeling her eyes widen, all the air in Angela's lungs vanished in an instant. She… had a feeling. All this time as she hid away in the breakroom… _She just knew_.

There was no hiding.

Flashing her eyes down to Hana's as the girl wore a slightly confused look, her eyes bouncing between her father's and the blonde's, Dr. Ziegler swallowed nervously, fidgeting with the cup in her hands.

"Ah, y- yes um." She blabbered, instead opting to stand up from her seat, nearly knocking it over clumsily. "I was coming to meet you after t- the surgery."

Her eyes couldn't leave Hana's as she spoke. The room felt hotter suddenly, almost as if she was wearing too many layers. Her vision blurred a bit at the edges, her only focus was on the hopeful eyes of the small girl who regarded her with curiosity.

Sweat trickled down her forehead. Her stomach threatened to empty the coffee she had just drank. She knew this time would come but she still wasn't ready. She still wanted to hide.

 _There was nothing else I could've done._

 _We… I tried._

 _I couldn't save her._

 _I couldn't save your mom Hana._

 _Please… forgive me._

Licking her lips, Angela took in a deep breath and spoke...


	2. Realization

**_13 years later_**

"I'm telling you, she was totally into me! I could just tell!"

Hana only rolled her eyes but gave her best friend, Lena Oxton, a smirk of encouragement. Of course she'd be crushing on the new french foreign exchange girl in their intern class.

"Do you think I should ask her out?" Lena started again in her heavily accented english, blowing her bangs out of her eyes as they walked down the bustling sidewalk towards the city hospital.

"I don't know, do you even know how to speak french?" Hana replied, her smile faltering a bit as they walked side by side.

Without warning, Lena stopped walking and gasped loudly. Enough for even Hana to turn and look at the slightly crazy girl whom she befriended earlier this year.

" _OhmyGodHanayou'reagenius_!" Was the Brit's reply suddenly as she burst out, jumping into Hana hugging the shorter girl tightly.

Allowing herself to be crushed in Lena's arms for a bit, Hana then slowly pushed her friend off of her with a worried look on her face.

"I know I'm a genius but… you're gonna have to explain this one to me." She mumbled, her patience slowly deteriorating as she checked her watch. "And keep walking, we're going to be late at this point.

She heard Lena huff as both girls continued walking down the sidewalk.

"Well first, you gave me the amazing idea that I should ask her out in french!" Lena exclaimed, her bubbly attitude coming back quickly. "She'd love that, look at me being all smooth!"

Rolling her eyes once more, Hana said nothing but kept listening.

"Secondly, We're not gonna be late, don't worry." Lena continued, japping a playful elbow into Hana's side. "Your girlfriend will still be there."

Hana felt her own cheeks redden as she looked away, her hair whipping from the sudden movement.

"S- She's not my girlfriend, idiot Lena." Hana mewed out.

Her friend only laughed, slapping her knee in glee as she wrapped an arm around the shorter girl.

"That's right, I forgot. You've never even spoken a word to her!" She continued to jest. "She sounds more like a victim to your stalking ways."

Hana pushed Lena off her shoulder and grumbled. Of course she'd hadn't spoken to the woman in years, but she still remembered her. She remembered how heartbroken she seemed, how utterly destroyed she seemed all those years ago… as she broke the news to her and her father.

Right then and there in that quiet little breakroom. The day she lost her mother…

She remembered she didn't quite understand what was said, what did she mean her mother was gone? She was going to come back, right? She was just asleep. Hana was young. Naive and young at the time, unable to process the feeling of loss. Her father on the other hand broke down. Never before had she seen the man in such devastated spirits. And even to this day, Hana has never seen the man quite smile as he used to. Not even when she got accepted to a prestigious university and accepted into the intership of one of the most amazing hospitals in the country.

The same hospital her mother passed away in.

Ever since that day, Hana Song had her sights set on becoming a doctor.

Reaching the entrance of the hospital's main lobby, both girls donned their student badges as they passed through, heading to the metal elevators towards the end of the hallway.

Hitting the desired floor they were to meet the rest of their class in, Hana could feel Lena staring at her, with her usual devilish smile on her face no doubt. It took only a few seconds for the brit to comment once more on Hana's thoughts about the now head surgeon of the hospital.

"So, how did you even set your sights on Dr. Zeigler?" Lena asked, oddly sounding genuinely curious.

Hana shuddered at the memory. It wasn't something she ever told Lena, let alone any of her friends. Why she wanted to become a doctor. Something about that night really resonated with her. How a complete stranger could nearly collapse so much about being unable to save someone's life. Sure, it was their job but to feel so emotionally attached as to breakdown and really seem to care… it changed Hana that night.

Of course she lost something that day, something extremely precious to her. But it also gave her strength. She wanted to help others. She didn't want others to feel the same loss as she felt. And she wanted to have that determination and care that doctor Ziegler had shown all those years ago. To want to try and succeed so hard, so much…

Hana didn't blame her for her mother's death. She hoped that the now head surgeon knew that, but Hana had no idea if she did. In fact she didn't even know if Angela remembered her. They haven't spoken in thirteen years, from when HAna was merely a child. A fact that Hana knew surely would arise if they now met each other in these circumstances. Why she was an intern at the same hospital that Dr. Angela Ziegler was the head surgeon at now.

She'd only set eyes on the blonde woman a few times since her time here, all of which she was sure that Angela had never noticed her. Sure, hiding behind walls or looking away quickly as they passed each other in the halls didn't help but…

 _Oh Gods, maybe Lena is right… am I a stalker?_

"Hello~ Earth to Miss Song. You okay?"

Pushing Lena's snapping fingers away, Hana exited the elevator noticing that they had arrived at their floor; glancing at her watch, with barely any time to spare.

"Oi!" Lena called, quickly catching up to Hana's hurried pace. "Ya didn't answer my question."

Tilting her head as they rounded a corner near their class group, Hana really didn't feel like telling her friend the entire story right then and there.

"I met her a few years ago when I was at the hospital." She explained quietly as they approached their class right when roll-call was happening. "You could say that she inspired me to want to become a doctor as well."

"Aww!" She heard Lena gush loudly, earning the ire of their professor who glared in their direction as they joined the group. "That's totally adorable!"

 _Not the word I'd use._

Though before Hana could retort, their usual guide for the day got all the students' attention, herding them down the hall, silencing her and the rest of the interns. Though as they walked through the hallway towards their usual reception area, passing by various nurses and patients, Hana nearly froze when she spotted a head of blonde hair walking towards their group.

Tied in the usual ponytail she always wore, as yellow as the morning sun, there walked Dr. Ziegler. The woman's bright blue eyes seemed a bit dulled as she read from a clipboard, reading glasses dangling precariously around her neck. Dressed in the usual doctor's white lab coat with a gray knitted turtleneck underneath, the woman was gorgeous. It amazed Hana that she wasn't married.

 _Not that I made sure or anything…_

On the few times she had seen her, Hana always made sure to check her fingers for any ring. Which she didn't spot. It seemed like a shame… but their loss was her potential gain. Maybe.

 _Wait, what?_

Feeling herself become both giddy and nervous as the head surgeon of the hospital neared their group, Hana kept her head down, her long brown hair falling over her eyes as she kept a small gaze on the woman through her bangs. She never knew when her respect for this woman turned into something akin to affection. It still bewildered her.

But just when Hana thought she was going to get away with avoiding the older woman's gaze, she felt her heart sink when their guide stopped the surgeon in her tracks.

"Ah, doctor Ziegler, guete morge!" The pudgy man exclaimed loudly, causing the surgeon to look up in surprise, almost like she didn't notice the group of students.

"Good morning to you as well Dr. Skylar." Angela replied, her blue eyes scanning the various bodies in front of her.

Though when her eyes traveled across Hana's own, the short Korean all but jumped out of her skin, looking away and letting out a tiny squeal.

Which was a mistake.

The moment she had done that, she heard the devilish chuckle that belonged to Lena, who still stood next to her.

"Hiya doc Ziegler!" Hana heard Lena suddenly callout, causing all eyes to suddenly turn to her, which in turn caused everyone to also look in Hana's general direction. It only served to caused the Korean to shrink into herself even more.

"Ah, hello." Hana heard Angela greet, her voice tinged with confusion though she still kept a professional tone in her voice. "You're all interns, correct?" She then asked.

Before anyone else could answer though, Lena spoke up again, this time throwing an arm around Hana.

"You betcha!" Lena laughed out. "In fact, some of us here are really big fans of yours… _Really_ big fans."

It took every amount of effort to not jap Lena in the ribs at that point, but Hana knew it'd only draw more attention to herself. Though now Hana was curious. This was the closest she'd been to Angela in years. And to think that she'd be looking in her direction now… It caused Hana to finally turn her head and look her way.

"Oh?" Was Angela's reply as her blue eyes turned from Lena's to Hana's own. "I'm quite flattered to hear that."

As their eyes met, Hana felt her breath hitch in her throat. It almost felt like electricity had sparked between their gazes. She wasn't sure if it was her own imagination in that moment but she swore that she noticed something in the older woman's look. Something almost like recognition.

"And ya should be!" Lena continued, much to Hana's chagrin, but her eyes were still locked with Angela… Almost as if she were in a daze. "Hana here is aspiring to be a doctor just like ya! Cheeky, right?"

It was then that Angela's face changed. Almost as if the final piece of the puzzle had been found. Brown and blue eyes widened at the brit's words then. The room fell silent as Hana knew that the cat was out of the bag. There was no way the doctor didn't put two and two together at that point.

 _She remembers me._

With one step forward, doctor Angela Ziegler came closer to the group of students. With another she parted the interns away. With one more, she stood a mere foot away from both Hana and Lena.

And with one final step, the bridge between Hana and Angela was finally formed.

"H- Hana… Song?"

Her voice was low, unsure, and worried. With a tinge of something else Hana was unsure of.

"Hello again, Angela." Hana replied, her own voice tiny.

She regarded Angela with a smile. Feeling her cheeks redden from the intense gaze the beautiful surgeon now gave her, with a smile finally forming on her own lips. With a slight push from behind, Hana stepped closer to the doctor who said nothing but wore a curious smile on her face.

"I… I almost didn't recognize you without your warpaint on." Angela commented, with a small chuckle.

The giggle sounded angelic to Hana but she herself couldn't fight back the growing smile and embarrassment on her face from the comment. She felt butterflies form in her stomach from the friendly jest and it was then that she wanted to tell her everything.

She wanted to tell Angela the truth. How she gave her a purpose. How she inspired her. How she thought she was amazing for doing what she loved, how she truly showed that she cared thirteen years ago.

How much even in that small moment of giving her the news that she never truly respected someone more than her.

How she wanted to be just like her.

"I'm all grown up now, doctor." Hana replied with a genuine smile. One she hadn't made in a very long time.

"And ready to learn to be a surgeon… Just like you."


End file.
